So you’ve been involved with someone and you want to know if if he is the right one for you before getting married. An acquaintance of mine accepted her boyfriend’s marriage proposal although they had only been together for two months. Granted, it could have been love at first sight. At least that’s’ what I thought until see told me she accepted because she is thirty years old, considers herself unattractive, and might not receive another married proposal for as long as she lives. Her family felt very uneasy about him, especially when he demanded she spends less time with them. Sometimes we can get so blinded by love (and other things that we might think is love) that we fail to grasp the obvious. Ladies, in my effort to assist you in determining if he is right for you, I’ve provided some tell tale signs below.
Is he extremely jealous of your relationship with others? Is he critical and often says mean spirited things? Does he get easily agitated? Does he insist on having everything his way,and doesn’t seem to care about your opinion? This is the portrait of a control freak. Stay away from him.
Is he a momma’s boy? I discussed the momma’s boy in depth in a previous article. To summarize, let’s just say you will never be first in his life. In spite of the fact he needs to be dedicated to you, mommy will always outrank you. You might think he will change when you get married, but chances are extremely thin that he will.
Is he financially responsible? You need to know what financial shape he is in before you walk down the aisle. You don’t want to find out after the wedding that he is behind in payments on the $8,000 in credit card dept he owes and his $68,000 in student loans, or that his car is just days away from being snatched and towed by the repo man. This is not a good way to start a marriage, and a sign of possible (actually very likely) financial misbehavior. I recommend asking for a copy of his credit report. You can casually bring it up by saying something like “I’m ordering my Credit report, when was the last time you looked at yours? Let’s order then together so we can see what we need to work on before we take our relationship forward.” Or something like that. Be creative. If he balks at the idea, he probably has something to hide.
Does he seem to care more about his career and position than you? Some men are overachievers (others like to think of themselves as such), and feel that getting married is merely a necessary occurrence that will make them a well rounded, respected individual. Here’s a glimpse into the future with this guy as your husband. He comes home from work, grabs the TV remote and says little, if anything to you and your children. You will be constantly trying to get him to open up and he will be constantly shutting you out. Regardless of your plea to him to communicate and at least tell you how his day was, he will fell no obligation to do so. He makes money to put a nice roof over your head, put the kids in private school, and take vacations at the family lake house every summer. Isn’t that enough? he asks himself. You and I both know it will not be enough. If you man seems emotionally reclusive, do not marry him. You will be his roommate, nor his wife.
Marriage is about sharing your lives together. The ups the downs, the triumphs, the defeats. Choose wisely who you plan to share your life with. If your instincts alert you to something that does not seem right about your boyfriend, pay attention to them. Don’t marry the wrong guy because you’re tired of waiting. Marrying the wrong man will be a lot more stressful than being single.